Sunday, December 14, 2008

friends...

i went to siloam this weekend. i love getting to see friends. hangout out at the cafe where you get to see people that you might not normal see. going to silaom just seems welcoming. staying up way to late exceptionally when you been up since 5am. getting to sleep away most of the morning. just sitting around and having good conversations. i do miss friends and being all together in one place.

my little adventure this weekend was i was getting ready to leave to come home when i realized that my keys were in my purse in my locked car. i have never locked myself out of the my car before. natalie and i went to check and make sure all doors where locked for sure. of course they were. i thought that we could break into my car because the window don't go in to the door. the glass in the top of the door. so we just pulled the glass back stuck a hanger down there and open the door. we did that all in about 10 mins. i would that was pretty fast and saved myself money not having to call a locksmith.

one more thing i just want to let you guys know that we have such a faithful God. i might not know what i am going to be doing with my life but i do know that God is always right beside me helping me find the way. he has away proved away when i want things to happen or need something. this weekend while driving to and from siloam i was remind of this by something really small. my speedometer don't work in my car most of the time. which never works very often this days. which is not good but if you go with the traffic in town your pretty much fine. its a little hard when you are driving on the highway and theirs no other cars around. the 2 times that i have been to siloam my speedometer has work the whole way. i don't know if you realize how amazing that is. every time i go i say a quick pray that it would work and it does. it brings to mind that scripture that talks about "how God is faithful in the little things and how much more he will be the big things." i continue to wait and see what God has in store for my life.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Holidays...

i just love the holidays. getting to decorate the house for christmas after thanksgiving is my favorite. this year i even get a little tree upstairs, which is nice because i didn't even get to have tree last year living in chicago.

i really need it to snow then it would really feel like christmas. i will have to wait until we go to minnesota probably but we will see because we might get some monday. i love the smell of the cookies cooking and fire in the fireplace. just the warmth of being home because last year i didn't get to be here. it just didn't feel like christmas as much.

tonight i had friends over and cooked them my favorite meal which was really fun. i miss thursday night dinner and monday night tea. we did both tonight and it was really fun. i think i should start doing it more often.

i love being home...

Thursday, November 27, 2008

my new passion...

i have been reading alot since i got home. my books recently have been about respect for yourself/finding meaning in life. which has included reading the feminine mystique which i found fascinating. my conclusion after reading many different books is you want what you can't/don't have. it has also made me what to start volunteering places with young girls. come the new year if i have decide to stay in tulsa will start volunteering somewhere or places. not sure what exactly i am looking into it. here's some quote that i really like from the books...

the only way for a woman, as for a man, to find herself, to know herself as a person, it by creative work of her own. there is no other way. but a job, any job, is not the answer-in fact, can be part of a trap. women who do not look for jobs equal to their actual capacity, who do not let themselves develop the lifetime interests and goals which require serious education and training, who take a job at 20 or 40 to "help out at home" or just to kill time, are walking almost as surely as the ones who stay inside the housewife trap, to a nonexistent future.

when society asks so little of women every women has to listen to her own inner voice to find her identity in the changing world. she must create, out of her own needs and abilities, a new life plan, fitting in the love and children, and home that has defined femininity in the past with the work toward a greater purpose that shapes the future.

only when woman are permitted to use their full strength, to grow to their full capacities, can the feminine mystique be shattered and the progressive dehumanization of their children but stopped and most women can no longer use their full strength, grown to their full human capacity as housewives.

it is only when a human being faces squarely the fact that he can forfeit his own life, that he becomes truly aware of himself and begins to take his existence seriously.

it is frightening when a woman finally realizes that there is no answer to the question "who am i" except the voice inside herself.

student with professional ambitions plan to marry, but marriage is for them an activity in which they will voluntarily choose to participate rather then something that is necessary for any sense of personal identity. such students have a clear sense of direction, a greater degree of Independence and self-confidence then most. they may be engaged or deeply in love but they do not feel they must sacrifice their own individualities or their careers ambitions if they wish to marry.

sometimes it comes in the shape of a seasons and sometimes inspiration is veiled in another individual. someone who looks deep into your eyes and dares you to dream, to hope, to live.


faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time.

memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.

all things in life-my work, money, body, relationship are tools for God's kingdom. they are important part of life, but my heart is not tied to them. being content is saying to God, "this is what you have for me, and i will be ok with that because i know you will ultimately use it to teach me and work toward your purpose in the world.

one can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar-helen keller

you were given life, it is your duty to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight.

faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch. faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. if we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity, it would just be a prudent insurance policy.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

90 years...

this weekend i got to celebrate my grandma 90th birthday. it was great that we were able to go because its far for a weekend trip but when i started my new job i informed them i need to go. i am glad that i did. i was the lucky one that got to stay with her in her apartment. which was good but i didn't get much sleep. she starts getting up around 4am to go to the bathroom. i was there to keep an eye on her and let my aunts relax a little. she has fallen twice recently and not doing so good.

her birthday was a day of rejoicing over what a great life she has had. we had old picture from back in the day of everyone. it was funny to see dad has a kid. they even played a song that was popular back in the day and made her dance. she didn't remember the song, plus she wasn't aloud to dance in her day. we took photos of all the kids, grandkids, great-grandkids, and in-laws. what was also surprising is that out of 71 of us there are 60 were there pretty good.

it was really great to spend time with her but it also hard because she kept telling me that after this weekend she would like to go to heaven. because she had nothing else to live for, she has had good long life and is ready to go. plus once i left she would be all alone and she hates being alone. my grandpa passed away about 8 years ago. she has been ready ever since to be with him again. she is almost blind so she can't really do anything because we are worried she might hurt her self. she keeps telling me she no use to anyone any more because no one lets her do anything. one thing she never wanted to happen was to be blind and so it has been really hard on her over the years as her eyes gets worse. its hard because i know she would be happy to just go but i need her to stick around a little bit longer.

i realize that she doesn't like being alone she had 10 kids. so she is use to always having people around. growing up we spend every christmas at her house being feed the whole time and hanging out with family. she is the best cook and is always baking something for groups of people. so when she started going blind it was really hard for her because she couldn't cook anymore. now all she can do is sit around and talk to people which, makes her feel useless.

i think that she is an amazing woman. having raised 10 kids and are all successful people. she is the best cook. a woman of faith that keeps her strong through everything that life brings. has traveled many places that I hope to one day see. her only worries is that her family has salvation so she can see them again one day.

Monday, October 20, 2008

my first accident..

driving home from work today and i rear ended this guy in a truck. needless to say i didn't hurt his truck at all but bend my hood some. he was really nice about it and making sure everything was fine with my car and he didn't want my insurance or anything. which was really nice because it was not his fault as all. he was afraid that i really hurt my car because he was smelling something which he thought was my raider but it was not.

couple things about my car its a neon that was given to me and most of time the gages don't work. i have an oil leak as well. so i have to put oil in every week. i am sure that is what he was smelling. what was really exciting was about 2 weeks i was driving and the clock came on. so i thought, does that mean the radio will work? guess what? it did. i was so excited because i love listening to music and my father informed me that i had no reason to drive his car anymore because i could listen to music. well today after work got in my car and nothing electric was working that was until i hit the guy and everything started working. my music blasting and gages working.

don't worry i am fine. i will see tomorrow what really wrong with me. i think my neck is going to be sore because i am slowly starting to feel it. you would like that i would now how to drive in traffic because it not really bad in tulsa compared to chicago.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

wednesday morning...

i am ready for work and i walk downstairs to fix breakfast where my parents are sitting there eating. i ask if my outfit is alright to wear to work? my mother always tells me if i am dressy enough. my father comments you need different shoes. then processed to say i can't wait to see what you wear for halloween. he thinks I am wearing a custom. what? then my brother wakes up as i am leaving the house he ask what are you wearing?

i didn't realize that what i was wearing was so crazy but i found out. my outfit was gray skirt with black legging, white shirt with gray strips, maroon shoes, scarf because it was getting cold out and it was new and I have been waiting to wear it and a blue cardigan. it all went together in some way so i thought. went to work no one said anything about it.

later that night i am at church and bible study was about to begin and an older gentlemen made a comment about me wearing a scarf and how's its not that cold out there started making comments about my outfit. well my father sitting next to me and inform everyone that i dress that way because i lived in chicago and that he can't wait to see what i am going to wear for halloween. thanks dad. i think that older people just don't know what to think about what people wear these days. i am usually the person that matches a little to much so i am trying to break that some but everything usually still matches. when i worked at the tribune a co-worker would also try to figure out what color of shoes i was wearing because they usually matched my cardigan or accessories. chicago i guess has changed my style a little bit because i don't match so much anymore and my family doesn't know how to handle it.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

end of freedom...

tomorrow is my first day at my new job working for a urological specialist. i will be scheduling people for appointment. i am not super excited about starting but it will be good to have money again. i might end up liking the job i just don't have any real expectation for the job. i haven't been working for over a month and it has been really nice. i like sleeping in this days and not setting an alarm. which i am sure is because for the last year i have been getting up at 5am to go to work. i am really excited that i don't have to do that anymore. 8am sounds really good but a little early still i am just not ready to be getting up that early yet.

so for my last day of freedom i slept in. eat breakfast. read for a while. met mom for her lunch break to do shopping. watched a movie. made dinner and watch tv shows with dad.

since i am not sure this job is what i am wanting i will be looking still. i plan to keep looking in case i find something better that would have to do with my degree. find a job is really not that easy and exceptional for international business. since i found the job through a temp place i have 90 days to try the job out. then after 90 days if they want me and i want to work there. i will become an employee. i think this is nice because if i end up not liking it, then i can find something else.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Change...

so there are many reason why i moved home but one has been on my mind for a while is church. i can say that for the past 5 years i haven't gone to a church on a regular basic. in college i just went with roommates and sometime friends. i never felt at home in these churches and i think that mostly because i never let myself get involved or met the people in the church. it was my own fault because why get involved with you know you won't be sticking around. while in chicago i visited some churches but i normal went with jewels to her church which i really liked. it was much different from my church which is really small and the music needs some help. we don't really have anything for young people in our church.

sitting in church one sunday and i knew that i need to go home and make some changes in our church and start getting involved. in order for me to live in tulsa i need to realize that i wanted to live here so i need to move away somewhere. in order to want to live in tulsa and be content here. now that i want to live here and get involved in things i am glad to be back. its something that God has been teaching me, so since i have been back i am busy getting things changed.

we met for the first time last night to see if we can get young people in the church who are going leave or have left and see if we can get them back. we are hopeful that things will get better and change. we also need to see what we can do about the music but its hard when almost everyone is not musical talented. i think that getting the music changed is going to take alot more so for know i am working on making sure the young adults don't leave.

Monday, September 15, 2008

can't decide anything...

so i have been home for 2 weeks today and still have no ideas what kind of job i want. i am pretty much sick of jobs i find that just get me by with paying the bills. i want a job that has to with international business, also is a challenge and learn something. all jobs that i have applied to i would like but i don't hear back from them plus all companies are confidential so i have no way of contacting them.

so all this is to say that i look for job online and in the newspaper. nothing has really got my attention really. i can't bring myself to look really hard and find one because the truth is i am pretty happy to be home and doing what i want like sleeping in, working out and spending time with family and friends. i am also just waiting for some kind of passion/drive for something i want to do. i also need to be getting paid enough. i worked at the tribune and basically did the work of 5 people was not getting paid enough. i apply for jobs that i would consider good paying and really want to stuck it out until i get one but my money is running out. i need to buy a car and once i do that all my money is gone. if i didn't buy the car yet i could survive another month without getting a job.

so really i can do anything i want but i still can't figure it out. how do you get into a position that you would like but you don't really have the experience they are looking for but you know you could so the job? i am really bad at selling myself to companies. i know that whoever finally does hire me with not be disappointed because anyone i have ever worked for either didn't want to me to leave or wanted to hire me. how do i let companies see what an asset i would be?

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

home sweet home...

i finally have made it home after spending almost a week with juile, packing and clean my apartment all day, heading to Minnesota for the weekend filled with a wedding and family gathering. i am back to good ol' tulsa.

i am glad to be back and was suprised to get a call from emily that she is moving home as well this weekend. so i will have a non-married friend to do things with. i am pretty excited about it and we are going to siloam this weekend to see friends.

now that i am back i really need a job. i get reminded everyday by my parents. how can you get a job that fast i just got back 2 days ago. i just want a job that i will enjoy that i don't mind get up in the morning going to. jobs are not that easy to come by this days so i will probalbly get a temp job or something like it. if anyone has job that i might like let me know...

Thursday, August 21, 2008

locked out...

our keys for the front door quite working about 2 months ago. we where suppose to get a new lock but it never happened. what's weird about our keys not working is that boys that live upstairs theirs still do. so needles to say we tend to get locked out alot. its usually not that big of deal make a phone call and someone comes and lets you in. that was until today. i was cleaning/packing around the house and doing something around the front door. then i saw on our porch a flyer for something. so i went to pick it up to throw in the trash because we get about one everyday from restaurants. nobody else will pick them up and they would just sit there. so not wanting to has it sit there i went to pick it up. well as i exiting the house i heard the door kind of close but i didn't think it was that hard but it was i got locked out. normal i have my phone so i can call but no such luck and nobody was home. amy had left just about 5 mins earlier and kellie was off at the airport to pick up my cousin bree and mark. i didn't have any shoes so i could really go anywhere and then on top of that i don't have any ones number memorized besides my family and they were in tulsa. they wouldn't be much help. i sat there waiting for kellie to return hoping she had someone number to call. i sat there about an hour listen to the neighbors talking about things. it was half spanish/english. finally they arrive but one to find out kellie doesn't have any ones number. mark wants to know if an windows are open. well, yes almost everyone in the house. we try the front ones but it doesn't work. ones on the side of the house did. he had to stand on the fence between the two house and then move the screen up and climb through the window. it was a good thing he was there because i have no idea what we would have done. we also realized how easy it would be for someone to break in. good things we only have a week left then we are gone.

tomorrow is my last day at the tribune and i have been in such a good mood. i have been all week. apparently i don't quite smiling. man does it feel good. i would say that it has been awhile since i was excited about something. i miss that feeling. thats one reason i think it good that i am leaving, just to be happy about life again.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

excitiment for the afternoon...

sitting in my living room watching the olympics and i hear this scream. i look out the window and this women has fallen out of the car. she is laying half in the car and half on the street. she is rather heavy set and probably in her early 60s. she was with her husband and another man but they weren't helping her up she just laid in the street. i know it was her husband because there a swinging bench that sits in their yard that they like to sit on at night and watch the street. anyways her husband goes inside and comes back a little later. about 10mins. pass and then ambulance shows up. they help her up and off to the hospital because it looks like she hurt her ankle. after they get her up she try to walk but can't really. i was wondering why they didn't just help her up because she really didn't look hurt and about 10 cars drove by all wondering what was going on trying not to hit her.

at first i was like get up and stop laying in the road. then i thought man i hope that i never get that heavy that i can't get myself up when i fall. i feel like experiences like that make you realize you need to change your diet and get healthy. i hope that she ends up fine and i see her back sitting on her bench. she is going to be pretty sore tomorrow.

my last saturday...

i woke up for the last time on a saturday at 5am for work. i am so happy that i don't have to get up at 5 anymore on saturday. i am pretty sure that everyone at work realized hope excited i was because i might have mention it once or twice. as much as i complained about working at the tribune i really didn't mind it that much. i just didn't like getting up so early and working saturday mornings. i do like the people and it seems now that i leaving i have become friends with a couple if them. its kind of funny i have been here a year and trying to find friends and have been pretty unsuccessful. its finally happening but i am sad to say i still will not be sticking around. i will survive and try not to cry to hard about it.

i need to be packing but have no boxes. i need a car to go get some but none of my roommates are around. i guess i will have to wait until monday and see if i can get some. i will just have to settle for watching the olympics.

i never been that big into watching olympics until this year. i actually know what going on and could have a real conversation with somebody about it. i also keep up with current events which includes me watching the news, listening to the radio and reading a newspaper which is something that i never thought i would do. i am pretty impressed with myself and glad that i actually want to read, listen and watch so i know whats going on. i think it has a little to do with not living at home and having my father around to inform me on current events. i have to do it myself. gosh... growing up can be difficult you have to learn things on your own.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

only 2 weeks left...

i am ready to leave. some might think that moving back to tulsa from chicago is not very exciting but i can't wait. after living in chicago for a year and my different experiences. i am ready for my family and friends. i am ready to drink a cup of tea and be home. to enjoy having a yard to swim, play basketball and mowing the lawn. to exercise without have millions of people driving by and watch you. i have been ready to leave for a couple of months now but since its almost time its has been flying by. which means that i have been enjoying myself and making the best of my time left. for the past 4 months i think that i have been counting down and it been going slowly. i don't regard moving to chicago. but i am still trying to figure things out. i never know what to tell people when they asked why i moved here in the first place. the only reason is i wanted to live in a big city and chicago seemed like the perfect one. it has been good i have learned things about myself which i would not have if i stayed at home and i appreciate tulsa alot more. one thing that i learned is i loathed living by myself. i need to have people around. most people say i am going to miss it chicago but i don't think so i have experienced it and i am done. there are a couple of things that i will miss...
-weekend at jewels
-biking to work
-movies in the park
-people i work with
other then that i really can't think of anything else. things that i look forward to are...
-not getting up for work at 5am
-exercising
-my family
-having a car
-getting a new job
-going to my church
-friends
-swimming in my pool
-have a closet that i can actually see my clothes in
-having a yard
-saving money
-not working on saturday
-having conversation face to face with friends/family

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

bike riding...

my favorite part on my day is riding my bike to work. i have been riding it for about a month and wonder why i waited so long to start. its an experience everyday to see what will happen. most places riding your bike is not a big deal but in chicago its so busy that you have to watch out that you don't get hit by a car going by or getting doored. riding your bike early in the morning is not so bad because at 5:30am most people are still sleep. so it pretty quite and you can be half asleep not as aware as the afternoons. today it was raining when riding home which is not that bad. i was going home and could change clothes but i was covered in dirt that had splashed up on me from the road. a couple of weeks ago, it was raining every saturday about 3 weeks in a row. i was soaked after arriving to work and had an umbrella. in chicago you need like a whole suit to keep dry because it blows from every direction. my most exciting experience was a week ago. it was in morning and this homeless man was riding on the wrong side of street right at me. i knew he was there but still half asleep at 5am. i wasn't really pay much attention to him. as me got next to me he yelled at me which scared the crap out of me. he definitely woke me up for the day. it was funny after i got over the shock of him yelling at me. i think he was just making sure i was wake.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

movies in the park...

one thing that i have been waiting for all summer is the movies in the park. it's what i look forward to every tuesday night. even though i have already seen most of the movies its really fun to watch with half of the population of chicago. out of all that i seen my favorite was blues brothers. Chicagoans are very proud of their city and since it as filmed in chicago everyone would going crazy. when they showed certain landmarks in chicago area and famous people. people were cheering and dancing around. listening to blues in chicago and people feel the need to dance. about 30mins. before the movies is over it started pouring. that really didn't stop people from watching. everyone just got out their umbrella and finish watching well getting soaked. once it started raining that when almost people started dancing around. it was a great experience and one of my favorite things in chicago that I have done.