90 years...

this weekend i got to celebrate my grandma 90th birthday. it was great that we were able to go because its far for a weekend trip but when i started my new job i informed them i need to go. i am glad that i did. i was the lucky one that got to stay with her in her apartment. which was good but i didn't get much sleep. she starts getting up around 4am to go to the bathroom. i was there to keep an eye on her and let my aunts relax a little. she has fallen twice recently and not doing so good.

her birthday was a day of rejoicing over what a great life she has had. we had old picture from back in the day of everyone. it was funny to see dad has a kid. they even played a song that was popular back in the day and made her dance. she didn't remember the song, plus she wasn't aloud to dance in her day. we took photos of all the kids, grandkids, great-grandkids, and in-laws. what was also surprising is that out of 71 of us there are 60 were there pretty good.

it was really great to spend time with her but it also hard because she kept telling me that after this weekend she would like to go to heaven. because she had nothing else to live for, she has had good long life and is ready to go. plus once i left she would be all alone and she hates being alone. my grandpa passed away about 8 years ago. she has been ready ever since to be with him again. she is almost blind so she can't really do anything because we are worried she might hurt her self. she keeps telling me she no use to anyone any more because no one lets her do anything. one thing she never wanted to happen was to be blind and so it has been really hard on her over the years as her eyes gets worse. its hard because i know she would be happy to just go but i need her to stick around a little bit longer.

i realize that she doesn't like being alone she had 10 kids. so she is use to always having people around. growing up we spend every christmas at her house being feed the whole time and hanging out with family. she is the best cook and is always baking something for groups of people. so when she started going blind it was really hard for her because she couldn't cook anymore. now all she can do is sit around and talk to people which, makes her feel useless.

i think that she is an amazing woman. having raised 10 kids and are all successful people. she is the best cook. a woman of faith that keeps her strong through everything that life brings. has traveled many places that I hope to one day see. her only worries is that her family has salvation so she can see them again one day.

my first accident..

driving home from work today and i rear ended this guy in a truck. needless to say i didn't hurt his truck at all but bend my hood some. he was really nice about it and making sure everything was fine with my car and he didn't want my insurance or anything. which was really nice because it was not his fault as all. he was afraid that i really hurt my car because he was smelling something which he thought was my raider but it was not.

couple things about my car its a neon that was given to me and most of time the gages don't work. i have an oil leak as well. so i have to put oil in every week. i am sure that is what he was smelling. what was really exciting was about 2 weeks i was driving and the clock came on. so i thought, does that mean the radio will work? guess what? it did. i was so excited because i love listening to music and my father informed me that i had no reason to drive his car anymore because i could listen to music. well today after work got in my car and nothing electric was working that was until i hit the guy and everything started working. my music blasting and gages working.

don't worry i am fine. i will see tomorrow what really wrong with me. i think my neck is going to be sore because i am slowly starting to feel it. you would like that i would now how to drive in traffic because it not really bad in tulsa compared to chicago.

wednesday morning...

i am ready for work and i walk downstairs to fix breakfast where my parents are sitting there eating. i ask if my outfit is alright to wear to work? my mother always tells me if i am dressy enough. my father comments you need different shoes. then processed to say i can't wait to see what you wear for halloween. he thinks I am wearing a custom. what? then my brother wakes up as i am leaving the house he ask what are you wearing?

i didn't realize that what i was wearing was so crazy but i found out. my outfit was gray skirt with black legging, white shirt with gray strips, maroon shoes, scarf because it was getting cold out and it was new and I have been waiting to wear it and a blue cardigan. it all went together in some way so i thought. went to work no one said anything about it.

later that night i am at church and bible study was about to begin and an older gentlemen made a comment about me wearing a scarf and how's its not that cold out there started making comments about my outfit. well my father sitting next to me and inform everyone that i dress that way because i lived in chicago and that he can't wait to see what i am going to wear for halloween. thanks dad. i think that older people just don't know what to think about what people wear these days. i am usually the person that matches a little to much so i am trying to break that some but everything usually still matches. when i worked at the tribune a co-worker would also try to figure out what color of shoes i was wearing because they usually matched my cardigan or accessories. chicago i guess has changed my style a little bit because i don't match so much anymore and my family doesn't know how to handle it.

end of freedom...

tomorrow is my first day at my new job working for a urological specialist. i will be scheduling people for appointment. i am not super excited about starting but it will be good to have money again. i might end up liking the job i just don't have any real expectation for the job. i haven't been working for over a month and it has been really nice. i like sleeping in this days and not setting an alarm. which i am sure is because for the last year i have been getting up at 5am to go to work. i am really excited that i don't have to do that anymore. 8am sounds really good but a little early still i am just not ready to be getting up that early yet.

so for my last day of freedom i slept in. eat breakfast. read for a while. met mom for her lunch break to do shopping. watched a movie. made dinner and watch tv shows with dad.

since i am not sure this job is what i am wanting i will be looking still. i plan to keep looking in case i find something better that would have to do with my degree. find a job is really not that easy and exceptional for international business. since i found the job through a temp place i have 90 days to try the job out. then after 90 days if they want me and i want to work there. i will become an employee. i think this is nice because if i end up not liking it, then i can find something else.

Change...

so there are many reason why i moved home but one has been on my mind for a while is church. i can say that for the past 5 years i haven't gone to a church on a regular basic. in college i just went with roommates and sometime friends. i never felt at home in these churches and i think that mostly because i never let myself get involved or met the people in the church. it was my own fault because why get involved with you know you won't be sticking around. while in chicago i visited some churches but i normal went with jewels to her church which i really liked. it was much different from my church which is really small and the music needs some help. we don't really have anything for young people in our church.

sitting in church one sunday and i knew that i need to go home and make some changes in our church and start getting involved. in order for me to live in tulsa i need to realize that i wanted to live here so i need to move away somewhere. in order to want to live in tulsa and be content here. now that i want to live here and get involved in things i am glad to be back. its something that God has been teaching me, so since i have been back i am busy getting things changed.

we met for the first time last night to see if we can get young people in the church who are going leave or have left and see if we can get them back. we are hopeful that things will get better and change. we also need to see what we can do about the music but its hard when almost everyone is not musical talented. i think that getting the music changed is going to take alot more so for know i am working on making sure the young adults don't leave.

can't decide anything...

so i have been home for 2 weeks today and still have no ideas what kind of job i want. i am pretty much sick of jobs i find that just get me by with paying the bills. i want a job that has to with international business, also is a challenge and learn something. all jobs that i have applied to i would like but i don't hear back from them plus all companies are confidential so i have no way of contacting them.

so all this is to say that i look for job online and in the newspaper. nothing has really got my attention really. i can't bring myself to look really hard and find one because the truth is i am pretty happy to be home and doing what i want like sleeping in, working out and spending time with family and friends. i am also just waiting for some kind of passion/drive for something i want to do. i also need to be getting paid enough. i worked at the tribune and basically did the work of 5 people was not getting paid enough. i apply for jobs that i would consider good paying and really want to stuck it out until i get one but my money is running out. i need to buy a car and once i do that all my money is gone. if i didn't buy the car yet i could survive another month without getting a job.

so really i can do anything i want but i still can't figure it out. how do you get into a position that you would like but you don't really have the experience they are looking for but you know you could so the job? i am really bad at selling myself to companies. i know that whoever finally does hire me with not be disappointed because anyone i have ever worked for either didn't want to me to leave or wanted to hire me. how do i let companies see what an asset i would be?

home sweet home...

i finally have made it home after spending almost a week with juile, packing and clean my apartment all day, heading to Minnesota for the weekend filled with a wedding and family gathering. i am back to good ol' tulsa.

i am glad to be back and was suprised to get a call from emily that she is moving home as well this weekend. so i will have a non-married friend to do things with. i am pretty excited about it and we are going to siloam this weekend to see friends.

now that i am back i really need a job. i get reminded everyday by my parents. how can you get a job that fast i just got back 2 days ago. i just want a job that i will enjoy that i don't mind get up in the morning going to. jobs are not that easy to come by this days so i will probalbly get a temp job or something like it. if anyone has job that i might like let me know...