when my mind is made up...

bats...

2012-01-12T09:33:00.001-08:00

My adventure for the day, last night around midnight I was woke by this noise in my room. When I finally was awake I thought it was just my dream that had woke me up and so I laid there listening I could hear something but I wasn’t sure what it was because it seem like it was something flying around and hitting things. I thought it was just my fan knocking paper off onto the floor. I couldn’t see anything. I just laid there awhile and finally went back to sleep. When I woke up the morning I was going to take my shower. I was getting ready to put conditioner in my hair and I picked up the bottle and behind it was this square looking black thing. I thought what did dad leave in the shower. Then I saw it wings go down, saw it was bat. I hurried and threw the conditioner back in place so the bat wouldn’t start flying around and tried to finish my shower real fast. Then I told dad that he needs to get the bat in the shower. We couldn’t decide it bats are like other animal and come back to the house if dad took it with him to work and let it go would it make it way back to our house. I also realized that what was flying around my room last night. I am pretty glad that it didn’t land on me I am not sure what I would have done. We end up putting it in a bag in the trash because dad didn’t want to kill it but we didn’t want it to come back, so maybe it will freeze to death in the cold weather. Not sure if that more humane or not

bored...

2011-04-05T08:20:00.000-07:00

ever since i returned home and been back at work something hasn't been right. its just not the same and i think i finally figured it out. i am bored with my life and what i do. i don't really care for my job that much, it pays the bills. i do like the people i work with but its just not enough anymore. i need something else, i need to be making a different and actually do something with my life. if only i could figure out what that is. this is what i have the hardest time deciding what i want to do. i have gotten taste what it would be like to be a missionary which is something i have always wanted to do. its difficult but one you start telling people that God loves them and wants to have relationship with them it gets easier. when they truly understand what your saying its an amazing feeling. know i think this is something that i could actually do, well once my loans are payed off which will be awhile. i need a change in life something that makes we feel like i am making a different in peoples life and what better way to do that then share with them about Jesus Christ. if i could this oversea that would be wonderful.

Following God

2011-04-01T11:57:00.000-07:00

The past couple of weeks I have been in Romania I have felt God speaking to me. I have never really felt it as much as I did well I was there. Usually when I can't decide on something I think God is there telling me which to choose and go with it. Going to Romania I knew that I was doing God's will and what he wanted me to go. That was an amazing feeling. After my trip to Jordan last year I heard that the church was going to go to Romania I thought I would love to go but I won't. It scared me to much. God didn't really want me to do into people home and tell them about Jesus. I couldn't do that. I am the type of person that I have you into my home and I will take care and show you God's love that way by my action. I never felt like I had way with words. So I made other plans on where I wanted to go. Then when that wasn't going to happen God said I wanted you to go to Romania why won't you listen to me. I said God if you get me the money then I will go. You really don't make deals with God because he always win. When in 2 weeks I had all the money that I need to go. I prepared myself to go. God an amazing God and he knows what you can handle and sometime you forget that. I was really worried because I thought I would have to do alot of speaking or preaching parts and I had no idea what I was suppose to say. Plus I didn't really know what I was suppose to tell people when we go into the homes. It started off rough week getting use to what to say but by the end of week I was really getting this and thought I can do this its not a big deal. To help me through the first couple of days God gave me the Verse from 1 Corinthians 2:4-5 "my message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of Spirits power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God's power." He also gave me Hagen who has done many of these type of trips to learn from and go with me into the villages. After the trip I had one of ladies that went with me ask did you feel like you were in the middle of God's hand with him taking care of you. Yes, that exactly how i felt. God had everything planned out since he told me about a year ago he wanted me to go, I just wouldn't listen. On our drive up to Iasi the city we would be working in I was put with a different person because the churches I was suppose to work with didn't have that many visit. Then they end up backing out because of new leadership in the church. The churches that I got put with had 150 visit schedule. They need more people to help then just one person. Plus the people I meet and got to work with all week was gift from God. God showed me things that I had been trying hide or not acknowledge for awhile. It felt so wonderful to be in his will and doing what he told me he wanted to do rather then running from it. I have waiting for awhile for things to change and figure out what my next step is going to be. I could feel God telling me just a little bit longer and I will show you what to do next. So I am waiting and willing to see were God is leading me.

2009-10-15T09:17:00.000-07:00

what do you thinks make people ambitious? what makes people want to be known? like if you hear there name you automatically associate them with some big accomplishment that they have done in their life. they have a passion for something and then go out there and figure out how to become famous in that area. there are many different types of this like making a historical find, becoming a CEO of company, being the president, the mayor of big city, caring for the poor and many more examples of ambitious people.

people that are ambitious i tend to think are people that had hard childhood and are trying to make a better life. they work really hard and have goals to make a name for themselves and so something great. i realize they are not only people that accomplish great things but you have to have some event in your life that makes you want to accomplish something amazing.

i struggle with finding something that i am ambitious about. i have no idea what to do with myself sometime. i have passion for some things but i don’t how to make my mark on world. i don’t want to become famous or leader of company. i just want to have a nice life were i am able to travel and live a comfortable life. my only real passion is to travel and see other countries just to experience them. the only one that would benefit on that is me. it a rather selves passion, it’s not like i was to change the world. i just want to see it.

i have pretty easy life. i have don't have tons of money but i away have gotten what i want/need or made due. i have been able to do traveling in the US. sometime i wish i had ambition of something that i wanted to accomplish to make my name known.

my obsession...

2009-07-31T06:54:00.000-07:00

i am obsessed with twilight saga books. i can't put them done. i never thought that would happen. i didn't really want to read them at first, thinks i wouldn't really like them. because there about vampire and werewolves i like books about real life. i can't put the books down. i read the first two in one week and i have to go buy the other two today. so that i can read them this weekend. needless to say my parents aren't very happy because all i do is read and i don't really help much right know. i don't know what it is about them but i can't stop reading them. that's all i have done the last week is eat, sleep, work and read, every chance i get.

i think its kind of funny that i like them so much. for one thing they are for teenager, i am 25. also because everyone else in the world pretty much loves them. i usually a couple years behind on fads. it take me awhile to get use to them and actually like them. by that time they aren't as cool anymore. which is not a big deal because then its cheaper to buy/get. i can't wait for lunch today to go buy the next book. whats going to happen to bella and edward...

white trash...

2009-07-08T07:56:00.000-07:00

usually for the forth of july we spend it in michigan but my year my cousin got married so we where there the week before and then left for minnesota to see grandma. its was not the same. in michigan my aunt and uncle live on the lake so we get to watch fireworks on the lake from a neighbor of there, its the best firework show around. not this year, i missed it and being with family.
this 4th of july i got the privilege of going to valleyfair which is an amusement parks in minnesota. my cousin work there so we got in for free. i recommend going to an amusement parks if you ever want to feel trashy. my goodness the things people wear. its one thing if you are small and wear short shorts but when you a big girl and you butt is hanging out, not attractive at all. boobs everywhere coming out. needless to say it was fun riding the ride but it was interesting to watch people and what they wore. how they could even think that what they were wearing looked good. gross...

boot camp...

2009-05-29T08:56:00.000-07:00

jordan made it through boot camp and graduated. which is pretty good for him since his training instructed "TI" had it out for him since the beginning all because he wrote his family a letter describing her to us. she women, mexican and mean. she didn't like that so much so made his pay for his 8 weeks. for the record she is not mexican apparently but looking at her you would know that. she is really short like 5'0 where jordan is 6'8 and smiles to much. he learned to not talk and made it through didn't get recycled

watching him march was really cool. he had to be so serious and in sync with his squad they did a really good job. he graduated to an airman. we are so proud of him. we mainly had to stay on base for our free time with him and all he wanted to do was eat and see the base since he had only been allowed on like two streets. ones they had to practice marching on.

a couple days before we came he received a note that he had oral surg. he was thinking it for his wisdom teeth since he never had his pulled but wrong. during his medical exam they had found a growth on his jaw bone. he was to have surg for it. they decided to wait until after grad and to talk to mom and dad about it. he did have the surg tuesday and he is recovering and doing well. mom and dad stayed long to make sure he was in and take care of him. we should find out soon what the growth is hopefully nothing serious. he is missing mom because they don't take care as good as her.

pepe le pew...

2009-05-04T15:58:00.000-07:00

my pepe which is my puppy got to go to work with me last week. he the cutest little thing. i mean that because i dint like animals but i like my pepe. he had to come because he was going to get his shots after work. i was going to leave him in the car for day. it was cool raining day and he would have been fine in the car but he only 4 months old and not use to being alone all day. he usually has izzy and annabell to play with.

i was a work for an hour and said something about having my puppy in the car. the nurse said that i should bring him into her office. so i went to get him and he was never happier to have seen me. mind you it had been raining and he was in the car and not enjoying it at all. he was more then happy to go inside with me. i couldn't let my boss or the head boss know that he was inside or i would get in trouble.

he was not going to stay in the office unless i was there. he would start whining if he couldn't see me. so he sat under my desk all day. he was very good boy. he didn't make a sound unless i wasn't sit there. i had to go bathroom once and he howled really loud. all was good except my boss came by couple of times that day so we had to to be careful. it was funny everyone would get scared afraid he would starting whining. he didn't. i made it out with out anyone really knowing he was there.

i get an hour for lunch and was i was praying it would not be raining so we could play and get rid of some energy. so he would sleep the afternoon away. at my office we have a big pond in the back. it has a path that you can walk or run. we were on your second time around the farthest you could be from the car and it starts pouring on us. we had to run back and we were soaked. i pretty much felt like to smelled like a wet dog all afternoon. good fun bring you dog to work on a raining day.

off to get his shots and i was going to put him on the scale to see how much he weighted and he started freaking out and peeing everwhere. getting me all wet. he didn't want to be set on the ground. but other then that he didn't even realize that he had a shot. he justed wonders why i made him come with me all day. i also blame the outburst on a big dog that was close by on the floor. he doesn't like big dogs. they scare him since he only 5.5 pds.

leaving...

2009-03-21T13:43:00.000-07:00

my baby brother is leaving to join the air force. i am really going to miss him. i hope that its everything he hopes it will be. he going to become a firefighter. he will be gone for 4 years and hopes to be station in europe some where.

i am really excited for him but its weird. i can leave or move away for a year and its not that big of deal. since moving back home and its just the 2 of us at home with mom and dad. i am really going to miss him. he who i spend most of my time with these days. he leaving me monday for about 4 years. the sad thing is i hope that i can go visit after he done with basic but i have a job and not aloud to take vacation until 6 months which is june. i don't know when i will see him again.

excercising...

2009-02-17T17:19:00.000-08:00

i love it but hate it. it seems no matter how long i try i always end up getting up at 5am. i really hate it with a deep passion. before it was because i had to be at work by 6am. now its so that i will work out. i thought that when i movd home i will go at night after i get off work but that doesn't happen. so 5am it is when dad come to get me up. it make it alot easlier having someone get up and making sure that you go.

you kind of get use to get up at 5 but not really. i do have a little motiovation to get up every morning. money. my work is doing the biggest loser and whoever wins get $760. its for 3 months and we have to weight every month. i am excited to see if i can do it.

its official...

2009-01-27T14:25:00.000-08:00

i have my first job since graduating from college almost 2 years ago. i am the newest member at urological specialists. i can go to the doctor and dentist. very exciting since it been awhile. i am ready to get my teeth clean. i get to answer the phone all days and hear about things i don't really care to hear. it does make for great entertainment because you just never know what people will say.

my first day of officially being hired and i didn't feel good at all. second day i couldn't even make it in because of the weather. the road were just to icy to make it in. hopefully tomorrow will be better and i can make it in. doesn't look good if they hire me and i don't show up the next day.

now i have to get use to talking about my dogs all day. how amazing they are. hearing about janie all the time and her wonderful life. which is so not true but anytime anyone says something she has a story about herself even if it has nothing to do with what we are talking about. judy is the other lady that i work with at the front desk. she nice and knows alot since she has worked here for 30 years. nice when i have a question.

its also bitter sweet. glad to finally have a job but i still have no idea what i am doing next. really no plans but paying my loans back. weird to think.

sunday mornings..

2009-01-11T14:20:00.000-08:00

in church sunday morning there is this old man at church that has been coming for about 3 months now who sits in front of us. he has to be about 90 years old. he really cute. he might cut his own hair because in the back their are chucks taking out in different places. the sides are shaved just right around the ears for his glasses.

we have alot of older people in our church but why i like to watch this old man is the way he interacts with children. he aways has quarter in his pocket to give the little children. when he gives them the quarter he tells them "i am not that rich but here's a quarter." a couple of weeks ago he gave a little boy a small bag of skittles. the little kids don't really know how to react. they are not use to getting money from strangers so they never know if they should take it or not. once their parents tell them its alright they take the money.

i am not sure what it is but he aways draws my brothers and my attention. he just a really sweet old man who's wife has gone on before him and all he has left is going to church on sunday and wednesday.

New years...

2009-01-06T17:44:00.000-08:00

i spend new years in new york city. it was freezing but lots of fun standing for 5 hours packed around people that you could barely move. waiting for the ball to drop and the crowd to shout happy new years. i glad that i got to experience it but i will be fine never to do that again. new york is definitely stepping up security because everywhere we went we had to go through metal detectors. getting to time square we were metal detected twice and no backpacks.

finally getting to see the statue of liberty, ellis island, ice skating in central park and going up in empire state building was really exciting. i have been to new york before but didn't get to do these things. it was fun getting to hangout with friends.

i love to flying but taking off and landing are my favorite and having a window sit is awesome. i love looking out i am like a kid in the candy store i just stare out the window trying to figure out what city or town we are flying over. on my flight to new york i was sitting by this man and his son was behind him. when the plane was getting ready to taking off he throw his hand up to hold his dad's hand so he would be safe. it was really cute.

friends...

2008-12-14T19:59:00.000-08:00

i went to siloam this weekend. i love getting to see friends. hangout out at the cafe where you get to see people that you might not normal see. going to silaom just seems welcoming. staying up way to late exceptionally when you been up since 5am. getting to sleep away most of the morning. just sitting around and having good conversations. i do miss friends and being all together in one place.

my little adventure this weekend was i was getting ready to leave to come home when i realized that my keys were in my purse in my locked car. i have never locked myself out of the my car before. natalie and i went to check and make sure all doors where locked for sure. of course they were. i thought that we could break into my car because the window don't go in to the door. the glass in the top of the door. so we just pulled the glass back stuck a hanger down there and open the door. we did that all in about 10 mins. i would that was pretty fast and saved myself money not having to call a locksmith.

one more thing i just want to let you guys know that we have such a faithful God. i might not know what i am going to be doing with my life but i do know that God is always right beside me helping me find the way. he has away proved away when i want things to happen or need something. this weekend while driving to and from siloam i was remind of this by something really small. my speedometer don't work in my car most of the time. which never works very often this days. which is not good but if you go with the traffic in town your pretty much fine. its a little hard when you are driving on the highway and theirs no other cars around. the 2 times that i have been to siloam my speedometer has work the whole way. i don't know if you realize how amazing that is. every time i go i say a quick pray that it would work and it does. it brings to mind that scripture that talks about "how God is faithful in the little things and how much more he will be the big things." i continue to wait and see what God has in store for my life.

Holidays...

2008-12-11T19:22:00.000-08:00

i just love the holidays. getting to decorate the house for christmas after thanksgiving is my favorite. this year i even get a little tree upstairs, which is nice because i didn't even get to have tree last year living in chicago.

i really need it to snow then it would really feel like christmas. i will have to wait until we go to minnesota probably but we will see because we might get some monday. i love the smell of the cookies cooking and fire in the fireplace. just the warmth of being home because last year i didn't get to be here. it just didn't feel like christmas as much.

tonight i had friends over and cooked them my favorite meal which was really fun. i miss thursday night dinner and monday night tea. we did both tonight and it was really fun. i think i should start doing it more often.

i love being home...

my new passion...

2008-11-27T15:12:00.000-08:00

i have been reading alot since i got home. my books recently have been about respect for yourself/finding meaning in life. which has included reading the feminine mystique which i found fascinating. my conclusion after reading many different books is you want what you can't/don't have. it has also made me what to start volunteering places with young girls. come the new year if i have decide to stay in tulsa will start volunteering somewhere or places. not sure what exactly i am looking into it. here's some quote that i really like from the books...

the only way for a woman, as for a man, to find herself, to know herself as a person, it by creative work of her own. there is no other way. but a job, any job, is not the answer-in fact, can be part of a trap. women who do not look for jobs equal to their actual capacity, who do not let themselves develop the lifetime interests and goals which require serious education and training, who take a job at 20 or 40 to "help out at home" or just to kill time, are walking almost as surely as the ones who stay inside the housewife trap, to a nonexistent future.

when society asks so little of women every women has to listen to her own inner voice to find her identity in the changing world. she must create, out of her own needs and abilities, a new life plan, fitting in the love and children, and home that has defined femininity in the past with the work toward a greater purpose that shapes the future.

only when woman are permitted to use their full strength, to grow to their full capacities, can the feminine mystique be shattered and the progressive dehumanization of their children but stopped and most women can no longer use their full strength, grown to their full human capacity as housewives.

it is only when a human being faces squarely the fact that he can forfeit his own life, that he becomes truly aware of himself and begins to take his existence seriously.

it is frightening when a woman finally realizes that there is no answer to the question "who am i" except the voice inside herself.

student with professional ambitions plan to marry, but marriage is for them an activity in which they will voluntarily choose to participate rather then something that is necessary for any sense of personal identity. such students have a clear sense of direction, a greater degree of Independence and self-confidence then most. they may be engaged or deeply in love but they do not feel they must sacrifice their own individualities or their careers ambitions if they wish to marry.

sometimes it comes in the shape of a seasons and sometimes inspiration is veiled in another individual. someone who looks deep into your eyes and dares you to dream, to hope, to live.

faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time.

memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.

all things in life-my work, money, body, relationship are tools for God's kingdom. they are important part of life, but my heart is not tied to them. being content is saying to God, "this is what you have for me, and i will be ok with that because i know you will ultimately use it to teach me and work toward your purpose in the world.

one can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar-helen keller

you were given life, it is your duty to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight.

faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch. faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. if we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity, it would just be a prudent insurance policy.

90 years...

2008-11-04T15:57:00.000-08:00

this weekend i got to celebrate my grandma 90th birthday. it was great that we were able to go because its far for a weekend trip but when i started my new job i informed them i need to go. i am glad that i did. i was the lucky one that got to stay with her in her apartment. which was good but i didn't get much sleep. she starts getting up around 4am to go to the bathroom. i was there to keep an eye on her and let my aunts relax a little. she has fallen twice recently and not doing so good.

her birthday was a day of rejoicing over what a great life she has had. we had old picture from back in the day of everyone. it was funny to see dad has a kid. they even played a song that was popular back in the day and made her dance. she didn't remember the song, plus she wasn't aloud to dance in her day. we took photos of all the kids, grandkids, great-grandkids, and in-laws. what was also surprising is that out of 71 of us there are 60 were there pretty good.

it was really great to spend time with her but it also hard because she kept telling me that after this weekend she would like to go to heaven. because she had nothing else to live for, she has had good long life and is ready to go. plus once i left she would be all alone and she hates being alone. my grandpa passed away about 8 years ago. she has been ready ever since to be with him again. she is almost blind so she can't really do anything because we are worried she might hurt her self. she keeps telling me she no use to anyone any more because no one lets her do anything. one thing she never wanted to happen was to be blind and so it has been really hard on her over the years as her eyes gets worse. its hard because i know she would be happy to just go but i need her to stick around a little bit longer.

i realize that she doesn't like being alone she had 10 kids. so she is use to always having people around. growing up we spend every christmas at her house being feed the whole time and hanging out with family. she is the best cook and is always baking something for groups of people. so when she started going blind it was really hard for her because she couldn't cook anymore. now all she can do is sit around and talk to people which, makes her feel useless.

i think that she is an amazing woman. having raised 10 kids and are all successful people. she is the best cook. a woman of faith that keeps her strong through everything that life brings. has traveled many places that I hope to one day see. her only worries is that her family has salvation so she can see them again one day.

my first accident..

2008-10-20T16:52:00.000-07:00

driving home from work today and i rear ended this guy in a truck. needless to say i didn't hurt his truck at all but bend my hood some. he was really nice about it and making sure everything was fine with my car and he didn't want my insurance or anything. which was really nice because it was not his fault as all. he was afraid that i really hurt my car because he was smelling something which he thought was my raider but it was not.

couple things about my car its a neon that was given to me and most of time the gages don't work. i have an oil leak as well. so i have to put oil in every week. i am sure that is what he was smelling. what was really exciting was about 2 weeks i was driving and the clock came on. so i thought, does that mean the radio will work? guess what? it did. i was so excited because i love listening to music and my father informed me that i had no reason to drive his car anymore because i could listen to music. well today after work got in my car and nothing electric was working that was until i hit the guy and everything started working. my music blasting and gages working.

don't worry i am fine. i will see tomorrow what really wrong with me. i think my neck is going to be sore because i am slowly starting to feel it. you would like that i would now how to drive in traffic because it not really bad in tulsa compared to chicago.

wednesday morning...

2008-10-19T11:52:00.000-07:00

i am ready for work and i walk downstairs to fix breakfast where my parents are sitting there eating. i ask if my outfit is alright to wear to work? my mother always tells me if i am dressy enough. my father comments you need different shoes. then processed to say i can't wait to see what you wear for halloween. he thinks I am wearing a custom. what? then my brother wakes up as i am leaving the house he ask what are you wearing?

i didn't realize that what i was wearing was so crazy but i found out. my outfit was gray skirt with black legging, white shirt with gray strips, maroon shoes, scarf because it was getting cold out and it was new and I have been waiting to wear it and a blue cardigan. it all went together in some way so i thought. went to work no one said anything about it.

later that night i am at church and bible study was about to begin and an older gentlemen made a comment about me wearing a scarf and how's its not that cold out there started making comments about my outfit. well my father sitting next to me and inform everyone that i dress that way because i lived in chicago and that he can't wait to see what i am going to wear for halloween. thanks dad. i think that older people just don't know what to think about what people wear these days. i am usually the person that matches a little to much so i am trying to break that some but everything usually still matches. when i worked at the tribune a co-worker would also try to figure out what color of shoes i was wearing because they usually matched my cardigan or accessories. chicago i guess has changed my style a little bit because i don't match so much anymore and my family doesn't know how to handle it.

end of freedom...

2008-10-07T17:17:00.000-07:00

tomorrow is my first day at my new job working for a urological specialist. i will be scheduling people for appointment. i am not super excited about starting but it will be good to have money again. i might end up liking the job i just don't have any real expectation for the job. i haven't been working for over a month and it has been really nice. i like sleeping in this days and not setting an alarm. which i am sure is because for the last year i have been getting up at 5am to go to work. i am really excited that i don't have to do that anymore. 8am sounds really good but a little early still i am just not ready to be getting up that early yet.

so for my last day of freedom i slept in. eat breakfast. read for a while. met mom for her lunch break to do shopping. watched a movie. made dinner and watch tv shows with dad.

since i am not sure this job is what i am wanting i will be looking still. i plan to keep looking in case i find something better that would have to do with my degree. find a job is really not that easy and exceptional for international business. since i found the job through a temp place i have 90 days to try the job out. then after 90 days if they want me and i want to work there. i will become an employee. i think this is nice because if i end up not liking it, then i can find something else.

Change...

2008-09-29T10:04:00.000-07:00

so there are many reason why i moved home but one has been on my mind for a while is church. i can say that for the past 5 years i haven't gone to a church on a regular basic. in college i just went with roommates and sometime friends. i never felt at home in these churches and i think that mostly because i never let myself get involved or met the people in the church. it was my own fault because why get involved with you know you won't be sticking around. while in chicago i visited some churches but i normal went with jewels to her church which i really liked. it was much different from my church which is really small and the music needs some help. we don't really have anything for young people in our church.

sitting in church one sunday and i knew that i need to go home and make some changes in our church and start getting involved. in order for me to live in tulsa i need to realize that i wanted to live here so i need to move away somewhere. in order to want to live in tulsa and be content here. now that i want to live here and get involved in things i am glad to be back. its something that God has been teaching me, so since i have been back i am busy getting things changed.

we met for the first time last night to see if we can get young people in the church who are going leave or have left and see if we can get them back. we are hopeful that things will get better and change. we also need to see what we can do about the music but its hard when almost everyone is not musical talented. i think that getting the music changed is going to take alot more so for know i am working on making sure the young adults don't leave.

can't decide anything...

2008-09-15T14:42:00.000-07:00

so i have been home for 2 weeks today and still have no ideas what kind of job i want. i am pretty much sick of jobs i find that just get me by with paying the bills. i want a job that has to with international business, also is a challenge and learn something. all jobs that i have applied to i would like but i don't hear back from them plus all companies are confidential so i have no way of contacting them.

so all this is to say that i look for job online and in the newspaper. nothing has really got my attention really. i can't bring myself to look really hard and find one because the truth is i am pretty happy to be home and doing what i want like sleeping in, working out and spending time with family and friends. i am also just waiting for some kind of passion/drive for something i want to do. i also need to be getting paid enough. i worked at the tribune and basically did the work of 5 people was not getting paid enough. i apply for jobs that i would consider good paying and really want to stuck it out until i get one but my money is running out. i need to buy a car and once i do that all my money is gone. if i didn't buy the car yet i could survive another month without getting a job.

so really i can do anything i want but i still can't figure it out. how do you get into a position that you would like but you don't really have the experience they are looking for but you know you could so the job? i am really bad at selling myself to companies. i know that whoever finally does hire me with not be disappointed because anyone i have ever worked for either didn't want to me to leave or wanted to hire me. how do i let companies see what an asset i would be?

home sweet home...

2008-09-03T11:11:00.000-07:00

i finally have made it home after spending almost a week with juile, packing and clean my apartment all day, heading to Minnesota for the weekend filled with a wedding and family gathering. i am back to good ol' tulsa.

i am glad to be back and was suprised to get a call from emily that she is moving home as well this weekend. so i will have a non-married friend to do things with. i am pretty excited about it and we are going to siloam this weekend to see friends.

now that i am back i really need a job. i get reminded everyday by my parents. how can you get a job that fast i just got back 2 days ago. i just want a job that i will enjoy that i don't mind get up in the morning going to. jobs are not that easy to come by this days so i will probalbly get a temp job or something like it. if anyone has job that i might like let me know...

locked out...

2008-08-21T19:33:00.000-07:00

our keys for the front door quite working about 2 months ago. we where suppose to get a new lock but it never happened. what's weird about our keys not working is that boys that live upstairs theirs still do. so needles to say we tend to get locked out alot. its usually not that big of deal make a phone call and someone comes and lets you in. that was until today. i was cleaning/packing around the house and doing something around the front door. then i saw on our porch a flyer for something. so i went to pick it up to throw in the trash because we get about one everyday from restaurants. nobody else will pick them up and they would just sit there. so not wanting to has it sit there i went to pick it up. well as i exiting the house i heard the door kind of close but i didn't think it was that hard but it was i got locked out. normal i have my phone so i can call but no such luck and nobody was home. amy had left just about 5 mins earlier and kellie was off at the airport to pick up my cousin bree and mark. i didn't have any shoes so i could really go anywhere and then on top of that i don't have any ones number memorized besides my family and they were in tulsa. they wouldn't be much help. i sat there waiting for kellie to return hoping she had someone number to call. i sat there about an hour listen to the neighbors talking about things. it was half spanish/english. finally they arrive but one to find out kellie doesn't have any ones number. mark wants to know if an windows are open. well, yes almost everyone in the house. we try the front ones but it doesn't work. ones on the side of the house did. he had to stand on the fence between the two house and then move the screen up and climb through the window. it was a good thing he was there because i have no idea what we would have done. we also realized how easy it would be for someone to break in. good things we only have a week left then we are gone.

tomorrow is my last day at the tribune and i have been in such a good mood. i have been all week. apparently i don't quite smiling. man does it feel good. i would say that it has been awhile since i was excited about something. i miss that feeling. thats one reason i think it good that i am leaving, just to be happy about life again.

excitiment for the afternoon...

2008-08-16T14:58:00.001-07:00

sitting in my living room watching the olympics and i hear this scream. i look out the window and this women has fallen out of the car. she is laying half in the car and half on the street. she is rather heavy set and probably in her early 60s. she was with her husband and another man but they weren't helping her up she just laid in the street. i know it was her husband because there a swinging bench that sits in their yard that they like to sit on at night and watch the street. anyways her husband goes inside and comes back a little later. about 10mins. pass and then ambulance shows up. they help her up and off to the hospital because it looks like she hurt her ankle. after they get her up she try to walk but can't really. i was wondering why they didn't just help her up because she really didn't look hurt and about 10 cars drove by all wondering what was going on trying not to hit her.

at first i was like get up and stop laying in the road. then i thought man i hope that i never get that heavy that i can't get myself up when i fall. i feel like experiences like that make you realize you need to change your diet and get healthy. i hope that she ends up fine and i see her back sitting on her bench. she is going to be pretty sore tomorrow.

my last saturday...

2008-08-16T12:15:00.000-07:00

i woke up for the last time on a saturday at 5am for work. i am so happy that i don't have to get up at 5 anymore on saturday. i am pretty sure that everyone at work realized hope excited i was because i might have mention it once or twice. as much as i complained about working at the tribune i really didn't mind it that much. i just didn't like getting up so early and working saturday mornings. i do like the people and it seems now that i leaving i have become friends with a couple if them. its kind of funny i have been here a year and trying to find friends and have been pretty unsuccessful. its finally happening but i am sad to say i still will not be sticking around. i will survive and try not to cry to hard about it.

i need to be packing but have no boxes. i need a car to go get some but none of my roommates are around. i guess i will have to wait until monday and see if i can get some. i will just have to settle for watching the olympics.

i never been that big into watching olympics until this year. i actually know what going on and could have a real conversation with somebody about it. i also keep up with current events which includes me watching the news, listening to the radio and reading a newspaper which is something that i never thought i would do. i am pretty impressed with myself and glad that i actually want to read, listen and watch so i know whats going on. i think it has a little to do with not living at home and having my father around to inform me on current events. i have to do it myself. gosh... growing up can be difficult you have to learn things on your own.

only 2 weeks left...

2008-08-14T17:44:00.000-07:00

i am ready to leave. some might think that moving back to tulsa from chicago is not very exciting but i can't wait. after living in chicago for a year and my different experiences. i am ready for my family and friends. i am ready to drink a cup of tea and be home. to enjoy having a yard to swim, play basketball and mowing the lawn. to exercise without have millions of people driving by and watch you. i have been ready to leave for a couple of months now but since its almost time its has been flying by. which means that i have been enjoying myself and making the best of my time left. for the past 4 months i think that i have been counting down and it been going slowly. i don't regard moving to chicago. but i am still trying to figure things out. i never know what to tell people when they asked why i moved here in the first place. the only reason is i wanted to live in a big city and chicago seemed like the perfect one. it has been good i have learned things about myself which i would not have if i stayed at home and i appreciate tulsa alot more. one thing that i learned is i loathed living by myself. i need to have people around. most people say i am going to miss it chicago but i don't think so i have experienced it and i am done. there are a couple of things that i will miss...
-weekend at jewels
-biking to work
-movies in the park
-people i work with
other then that i really can't think of anything else. things that i look forward to are...
-not getting up for work at 5am
-exercising
-my family
-having a car
-getting a new job
-going to my church
-friends
-swimming in my pool
-have a closet that i can actually see my clothes in
-having a yard
-saving money
-not working on saturday
-having conversation face to face with friends/family

bike riding...

2008-08-13T13:22:00.000-07:00

my favorite part on my day is riding my bike to work. i have been riding it for about a month and wonder why i waited so long to start. its an experience everyday to see what will happen. most places riding your bike is not a big deal but in chicago its so busy that you have to watch out that you don't get hit by a car going by or getting doored. riding your bike early in the morning is not so bad because at 5:30am most people are still sleep. so it pretty quite and you can be half asleep not as aware as the afternoons. today it was raining when riding home which is not that bad. i was going home and could change clothes but i was covered in dirt that had splashed up on me from the road. a couple of weeks ago, it was raining every saturday about 3 weeks in a row. i was soaked after arriving to work and had an umbrella. in chicago you need like a whole suit to keep dry because it blows from every direction. my most exciting experience was a week ago. it was in morning and this homeless man was riding on the wrong side of street right at me. i knew he was there but still half asleep at 5am. i wasn't really pay much attention to him. as me got next to me he yelled at me which scared the crap out of me. he definitely woke me up for the day. it was funny after i got over the shock of him yelling at me. i think he was just making sure i was wake.

movies in the park...

2008-08-12T15:28:00.000-07:00

one thing that i have been waiting for all summer is the movies in the park. it's what i look forward to every tuesday night. even though i have already seen most of the movies its really fun to watch with half of the population of chicago. out of all that i seen my favorite was blues brothers. Chicagoans are very proud of their city and since it as filmed in chicago everyone would going crazy. when they showed certain landmarks in chicago area and famous people. people were cheering and dancing around. listening to blues in chicago and people feel the need to dance. about 30mins. before the movies is over it started pouring. that really didn't stop people from watching. everyone just got out their umbrella and finish watching well getting soaked. once it started raining that when almost people started dancing around. it was a great experience and one of my favorite things in chicago that I have done.